On Saturday august 17th, 2019, I arrived in this little village called Maisonette, NB (Canada) for a full week of deep personal work. My Reiki teacher, Marie Ange Michaud, puts on these retreats that are a full week long, which include 4 days of silence and inner reflection. Marie-Ange is 77 years old and has more energy than anyone I’ve ever met. She is such an inspiration to me and a great mentor. She teaches us to let go of the past and truly learn to love ourselves. To take control or our lives and live it with purpose. This was my 4th summer attending and this year our group was a total of 46 participants.
This year, I went with the intention to change some limiting beliefs I had. I went prepared with Dr. Joe Dispenza’s morning and evening meditation, Marie-Ange Michaud’s reiki teachings, my journal, my pendulum and the wonderful tool of EFT/tapping to really do some deep personal work. I was ready to clear as much negative stuff from my past as possible so I could create the future I truly want. To be happy and fulfilled with everything I do.
It’s funny when we open ourselves up to healing, the events from our past that we need to deal with will just show up in our mind. A few days before leaving, I was suddenly triggered by something someone said and I remembered an event from my past that I had forgotten about. I decided to write the event on a piece of paper I took with me so I wouldn’t forget to work on it. My transformation had already started and I hadn’t left yet….
I got a nice little cottage a few steps away from the beach. Once my roommate arrived that evening, we had a great chat over a bottle of wine. During this chat, we both felt that we have never belonged in this world (first limiting belief uncovered). And we were both looking to figure out why that was. We found ourselves attending this same retreat year after year looking for answers. Little did I know it would all unravel for me this week.
On my first day of tapping, I decided to tackle the event that showed up before I even left. I had remembered being 17 years old, having joined the CAF on a part-time basis as a reservist and in basic training. I woke up one morning with the word “bitch” written on my face with lipstick. How could someone forget such an event I asked myself? As I worked through each emotion that came up, I could see myself standing in front of the mirror with tears in my eyes wondering what I did wrong to not belong with this group of girls? Why was I so different? I then found another event where something similar had happened and I was left to feel I didn’t belong. And all of a sudden I had this feeling like I truly do belong in this world. I was able to change my first limiting belief of the week and it was just day 1.
All week, I would do my Dr. Joe Dispenza morning meditation at 5 am, followed by greeting the sun at 6:10 am on the beach as a group (all 46 of us). Afterwards I would do one hour of tapping and journaling before going to meet the other participants at the rec hall to listen to Marie-Ange and all her wisdom. We had a 3 hour lunch break and I would tap for 2 hours of it. And after supper I would sit and tap again for a few hours before ending my day with Dr. Joe Dispenza’ evening meditation.
I would walk the beach everyday. I would uncover another limiting belief and ask myself which event from my past I needed to work to clear it. Always amazed that the right event showed up, and a lot of them I had completely forgotten about until that moment it showed up in my mind. This went on all week. By Thursday evening, I had uncovered and changed 19 limiting beliefs. I was grateful for my journal to be able to keep track of all of this.
I think my biggest breakthrough was when I finally let my inner child out of its cage (metaphor). All week, Marie-Ange would talk about the Ego and how we need to set it aside to let our inner child out. Not something I’ve been able to do in the past. But during one session of tapping, sitting on the beach, I felt my inner child take over and say goodbye to my Ego. That was powerful for me, but it came with some grief. For the last 45 years of my life, my Ego has been running the show, now I was leaving it behind on the beach of Maisonette and I wasn’t sure what the new me would be like? Would I be happier? Would I be able to have more fun and be less serious? Would it feel comfortable to smile? All little things but for me such big things internally. Walking down the beach afterwards in deep thoughts, I came across this old rusted cage. I felt it was so symbolic for what I just experienced a few minutes before. Where did it come from? I had walked that same area at least 5 times before but never seen it. I just smiled to myself and said “my inner child is free now, look at her broken cage”.
Another interesting thing happened while I was doing this work. In the past, I always blamed everyone else for things that happened to me. But during the week, that feeling changed. I was able to see my part in the past I had created for myself. I was able to forgive myself for things I had done that were wrong (and a few of those events came up where I felt deep shame for some things I had done or said). Once I was able to see my part in it, something clicked inside of me. It’s like all judgment I had against others just vanished. No one is to blame for how I feel today. It’s just time to get rid of it and enjoy the new me – judgment free.
Coming home was difficult. I missed my family so much and couldn’t wait to see them, but I didn’t want to leave this peace I had just found. I had to come back to reality. I just spent 7 days with no phone, no TV, no radio and no internet immersed in silence and deep personal inner work. I cried some the first two days home and had very low energy. That grief of letting go of the old me was very real. I tapped everyday and finally on the 3rd day, I started to feel more like myself. By the 4th day I was smiling and feeling so at peace I didn’t recognize myself but felt truly happy. I knew the work I did worked. Yes, it probably was too much at once. But in other years, things would come up and I would journal them never truly releasing them, just relive them without true freedom. I never had this great tool to tap away the negative emotions has they came up.
It’s been 9 days and a full work week since i’ve been back. I am excited for this new me. It just feels different in a way I can’t explain. It’s a knowing deep inside that I feel ready “to kick ass at everything I am going to do”. I feel empowered and full of life.
It was a gift to be able to take 7 days to myself. To leave everything behind and concentrate just on me by working through some of my personal peace procedure. It’s a gift I will continue to give myself every year. I deserve it and I am worth it!!!!